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Contemplation
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Contemplation

Inspired by Yellowcard - one of the most brilliant alternative bands out there.

~Contemplation~
 
It was a rather sunny day, a light breeze sweeping about the Hogwarts grounds; the perfect Sunday. Most likely the last Sunday of the year with such a brilliance as today.

Much of the Hogwarts students were outside enjoying this day. Nobody really felt like being cooped up in their dorms.

Ginny Weasley was taking a slow stroll around the corridors of the vast castle, attempting to decided what she wanted to do for the rest of the day. She was completely free now that she had finished her rather easy essay on Silencing Charms for Professor Flitwick.

But what to do?

She could go back to her dorm, get her broom and take a flight in the Quidditch pitch? But then again, one of the House teams could be practicing this afternoon.

Hufflepuff probably.

Perhaps visit Hagrid?

No.

He was on a mission for the Order this weekend, along with Professor Snape and Tonks.

Ginny twirled the lock of her hair was wrapped in beads resembling the Gryffindor House colours: red and gold. It was the result of boredom in her dorm the previous night.

Twisting the beads around her finger, Ginny leaned out of a nearby open window. The sun was shining brightly above the castle, scattered clouds floating slowly by in the calm breeze. Her eyes wandered to the students on the grounds, lazing about on the grass and under the trees that had been splashed with orange brown and red with the new coming of autumn.

Some of the first years were playing games; a few second and third years acquiring their duelling skills by hexing and jinxing one another in various Wizard duels. Fourth through seventh years were doing the usual joking, flirting, or studying.

But she couldn't help but notice one Gryffindor sixth year that was uninvolved with the activity.

He trudged towards the shores of the lake, rolling up the sleeves of his Gryffindor jumper and white school shirt.. He stopped short of the beach, settling on a patch of grass, drawing his knees up to his chest as he stared out at the dark water.

Ginny frowned slightly as she watched him.

Oh Harry. . . she thought.

She wondered where Ron and Hermione were. Harry wasn't seen often without them.

Then again, things hadn't been so pleasant lately.

Harry had lost someone very close to him recently. The loss had left him devastated and broken.

It left his friends to question whether they were ever going to get their old Harry back again.

He had become cold and withdrawn. Hurting. And he wouldn't saw a word about it. Not one.

That had made Ginny cry for him more than anything, and more than once. But she hadn't, and wouldn't, tell a soul. Not even her own mother, whom she shared everything with.

She was scared that the news would reach Harry's ears and he would feel terrible for it. The last thing he needed was yet another one of those terrible bouts of self-hatred.

Ginny could admit now that she had become so much more sensitive since the war broke out a year and a half ago. She just couldn't keep her composure as well as before. It used to take a lot to break her down, too.

Ginny sighed.

The truth beneath all these jumbled and mixed up feelings of sadness and hurt, and the loss of composure was really a cover for what she had really discovered. The fact that she no longer deeply cared for Harry, but really loved him.

And to think all of those years she had thought it was just a stupid girly crush.

It left her to think: What would have been if she had gone with Harry to the Yule Ball in her third year?

Well, there would still be the issue with Cho Chang.

Ginny had gotten an earful from Parvati Patil the day after the Ball.

Apparently, Harry barely paid attention to her and her was sulking about Cho and Cedric.

Well . . . no point in brooding now, anyway. Mum always said things happened for a reason.

And . . . you can make things happen as well.

Then perhaps she should try to cheer him up.

Yes.

Even just a little would be a huge progress after four and a half months of this.

Ginny left the window, taking quick steps down the rest of the corridor and into the entrance hall, where she hurried out of the large oak doors.

*~*~*~*

Ginny stepped out into the sunlight, setting off down the large sloping lawn.

She passed a few of her friends, including Neville Longbottom, who was a sixth year that shared a dorm with Harry, who was speaking with her own friend and fellow fifth year Luna Lovegood.

Ginny smiled at them. They were almost as obvious to be the perfect match as Ron and Hermione.

She also spotted her ex Dean Thomas, laughing with his best friend Seamus Finnigan.

Her smile faded as that familiar pang resided in her stomach.

Their break-up last month hadn't gone over to well.

But why be in a relationship just to be in one? And having a sub for the one you really wanted was a huge mistake ready to blow.

Crossing her arms across her chest, she finally reached Harry. But she stopped short a few feet of him as a thought came to her.

Perhaps he really didn't want to be bothered this time?

She recalled on a time she had overheard Harry and Ron talking on a late night in the common room. That was about two weeks ago; they had assumed they were alone, or so she guessed.

"Half of the time I'm pissed off and the other half I feel so . . . empty. . ." she heard Harry mumble. "And I hate myself for it, too."

His tone sounded angry. And hearing that from him had made her cry for him as well. It made her wonder and really wish that she could do something to help.

Anything. . .

Ginny shook her head slightly reaching her hand out to touch his shoulder.

Anything, right?

But she paused again, watching him bury a hand in his untidy raven hair.

Would be angry with her for her efforts, too?

No. He couldn't, right? Whether he wanted it or not, everybody need somebody to help them out. And she was his friend.

Taking a deep breath, Ginny closed the distance between them, touching her hand to his shoulder, feeling his muscles tense beneath her fingers.

"Hi Harry."

"Hey Ginny," Harry murmured, briefly looking at her before turning his gaze back to the water.

Ginny sat down beside him, stretching out her legs.

"So what're you doing here all by yourself?" she asked.

Harry merely shrugged.

"Where's Ron and Hermione?" Ginny asked, looking around the yard as if to find them.

Harry shrugged again.

"Probably Prefect duties."

Well this isn't working. . . thought Ginny. Okay, different approach.

"Nice day out, isn't it?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Getting hungry, how 'bout you? Can't wait for dinner."

"Yup. . ."

"Oooh look there's the squid!"

"Er-hum."

"Do like my beads? The girls in my dorm did it. It's to celebrate our win yesterday."

"Yeah. Sure."

"You know, Quidditch?"

"Erm-hum."

This was getting stupid.

"I'm growing a second head for Merlin's sake!"

He looked over at her.

"Ginny did you want to talk about something?"

"I just thought I'd try to cheer you up a bit," Ginny said, nearly exasperated.

He continued to stare at her.

"I'm sorry," Ginny said. "I don't mean to pry - I just -"

"I'm fine," Harry cut across her, bringing his gaze back to the water.

Ginny turned towards him.

"I know you're not," she said in a small voice.

She didn't want him angry, especially to the point of shouting.

"But . . . maybe you should . . . I mean it - it might help a bit. . ."

But Harry shook his head.

"Gin, it's all right, I . . ."

"Listen," Ginny's voice was so quiet; just above a whisper.

In a very brave attempt to get through to him, she gently grasped the wrist of the hand buried in his hair and took his hand.

For a moment he stared at both of her small hands enveloping his own before bringing his eyes back to hers.

"I didn't know Sirius as well as you, and I wasn't as close but I was still a friend."

Harry pulled his hand free of her own.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said in a quiet, forced voice.

Ginny sighed.

What to do now?

She could feel that overwhelming feeling coming again. She was beginning to feel lost.

Broken this fragile thing now.

And I can't pick up the pieces. . .

"God I hate this," mumbled Harry, staring at his knees. "I should've listened to Hermione, shouldn'tve I?"

Ginny stared at hi,. She was at a loss for words. . .

What?

"Too damn stubborn. . ." Harry went on. "I guess I really fucked it up this time, eh?"

Ginny sucked in her lower lip.

"Goddamn. . ."

He removed his glasses, burying his face in his hands before sliding them up into his hair.

I've thrown my words all around

But I can't give you a reason. . .

"Harry. . ." began Ginny.

"It's as good as my fault Sirius died," Harry said. "My stupid 'Saving-People-Thing.'"

"Harry you were tricked," Ginny said, stunned by his words.

"I -"

"And I would've done the same thing if I were you," Ginny went on. "So would have Hermione, and Ron. And Sirius."

Harry stared at her in disbelief.

"He loved you so much Harry," Ginny said, rubbing her arm to conceal her sudden awkwardness at his attentiveness. "We . . . we talked about it one day."

His breath quickened.

Ginny moved in front of him, placing her hands on his knees.

She finally had his attention and she wasn't going to lose it.

"He told me that he would've been lost if it weren't for you and Lupin," Ginny swallowed hard.

She came to the memory of the night she and Sirius had talked. Truly talked. It was two nights before Harry had come to Number Twelve for the first time.

That was the night they really considered each other friends. she had been fearful of him up until that moment.

"He said that you were his world actually," Ginny said. "All he had. O -of course you both knew that he would die for you. . . And he said that meant the world to him that you'd both do the same. Especially since it was coming from the son of one of his best friends."

She swallowed again.

Crash and burn

I think sometimes you forget where the heart is

"I never knew he loved you that much, Harry."

He was pale. His breath uneven, and his hands trembled a little as he wrapped them around his legs.

From the castle the bell rang, signalling for dinner, but neither Ginny nor Harry went with the rest of the students.

"You . . . you never told me this?" Harry asked in a low voice. "Not even after he died?"

"I've been trying to," Ginny quietly admitted. "But honestly, you had so much on your shoulders already. . . And as for before, I knew you already had known that."

Harry buried his face in his knees, and his shoulders began to shake.

He was crying, and for Ginny it was a sort of bittersweet relief.

Tears welled in her eyes as she moved to comfort him. The sobs wracked his body. Painful, heart broken heart wrenching sobs.

Ginny gave him every comfort she could offer. Stroking his back, running her fingers though his hair, whispering soothing words in his ear in between her own silent sobs.

When you get lonely if no ones around,

You'll know that I'll catch you if you're falling down

He was eventually holding her tight within his need for comfort.

She knew for a moment his reality was gone. All he needed was to lay his burden down for a little while. Let it go.

After a while, his sobs began to slow.

"I'm sorry," he choked out, ashamed to look at her.

But Ginny shook her head.

"It's okay," she whispered.

He raised his head to look at her, and his eyes widened.

He hadn't yet realized that she had been crying for him.

The look in his eyes both scared and excited her. . .

If there was ever a moment like this in her life, a moment with Harry, Ginny wouldn't have been able to map it out.

She couldn't think of one moment that was as divine. Nor as oddly painful.

She didn't want it to end. . . When it did it would disappear and never come back again.

You are my only one

Finally, getting nervous at the tense silence, she looked away, save the embarrassing blush that had crept up her cheeks.

Just perfect.

He would probably feel terrible now that he had seen her cry. . .

Dammit.

A touch to her cheek.

Oh God. . .

She was startled. . . But she couldn't move.

Frozen in time.

Only her head was being turned by gentle fingers.

Her heart was pumping wildly in her chest by the time her eyes locked on his. She was startled to see them blazing with emotions. . . Yet she didn't dare read them.

What was he thinking about just now? Clearly he wasn't angry with her. . . But what? What was it?

Then she seemed to stop breathing.

His eyes told her that he wanted to kiss her. Would she let him?

Yes.

Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me was all that was running through her mind.

I'd let go, but there's no one like you. . .

You are my only one

Breathless with anticipation, Ginny leaned into him, allowing him to capture her lips with his own.

And when he did, it was in this single moment that everything seemed to be erased.

In this single moment there was no Michael Corner or Dean Thomas. Nor a Cho Chang.

Just Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter.

And with her eyes tightly shut, she melted into his embrace, knowing things would never be the same.

You are my only one

~End~